Long Time No See

More than a month since I've been here, wow.   Lots of things have happened. Our real estate contract ran out without so much as a nibble.  My son and family decided they wanted to live with us. My husband retired. Change, good or bad is always stressful.  

Survival

I survived the two most humid and hot days of this years. Thankfully my husband put in the AC. I was having such trouble breathing and the AC may a huge difference. 

Normal

I got a call yesterday from the clinic telling me my MRI was normal. I am thankful. It gave me energy for the day and I was able to drive to Calais and back. My friend went with me and we hit a couple of yard sales and went to the thrift shop.  I have been blessed with thrift shop shopping in the last two days and now have to go through my wardrobe to sort. Some of it is summer but much is for winter.
The kittens are growing so fast and are everywhere. I need to sort that out too. I have a huge bruise on my knee from falling down as I stepped over the barricade that was keeping them in the living  room.
The weather has been very humid and uncomfortable.  I have tried to dress so I am cool and keep the curtains shut to keep the house cool. So far so good.

Too Hot

The last couple of days has been brutal. The heat and humidity are weighing me down. All the painful parts of my body showed up and tried to take my sleep away. I have a great arsenal of meds to chase the pain away and was able to finally get to sleep.
A week and a half ago I had a head event where I experienced excruciating pain in my head and thought it was falling apart. I had my husband hold it together and help me with meds to calm everything down.
I saw my doctor on Wednesday and he did a neurological exam and found that my balance is off. So today I am off to have an MRI to check my brain. I hope its still there and somehow hasn't leaked out!
Isn't this fibro life interesting!

Where have I been?

The last two weeks flew by! My visit to the Rheumatologist went very well. She had read my records before I saw her so we could talk about what was going on and what I could take or do to enhance my quality of life. She stressed that Fibromyalgia was a chronic condition and I needed to manage it. She also said the meds I was on were good for that management. She recommended a couple of changes and said she though water therapy would help.
I spent last Monday getting my passcard which would let me go into Canada. I needed it because there was a new complex there with a therapy pool (warm water) and some classes offered. I went into Canada yesterday with my temporary card and located the complex and got all the paperwork and a schedule. I hope to go next week to my first class.
I also saw my body work practitioner. That 2 hour session went very well. It is very different but it seems to give me more pain free days! I'm all for that.
Kittens are growing by leaps and bounds. We are enjoying them.
We had carrots, lettuce and a cuke out of the garden this week. What a treat to have such fresh food.

Rough Week

If it weren't for the kitten joy and the daughter joy I might have thrown in the towel. I have bee so tired and have slept a lot. My youngest came to see me on Monday morning and stayed til Wednesday morning. We had a wonderful visit although much of it was laying on the bed! She looks so healthy and is managing her life well. She gave me some advice and was quite firm about it! I continue to be the mama who wants to give and care and participate in the the lives of all my children.  She said, "Rest, relax, take care of you. We all know you are sick and we all love you."  What a sweet daughter.
Wednesday I saw one of my doctors and then went to get my glasses fixed.  I had somehow lost one of the nose pieces and they had gotten bent from falling on the floor. It was great to see straight again.  I did some shopping and came home exhausted.  Lots more sleeping. One night of extreme agitation in body. And more sleeping as well as moving slowly through my day.
I finally have a rheumatologist visit next Friday. I hope to get some help with meds and management.
Life goes on!

Kittens

I didn't sleep well Thursday night and consequently spent most of the day sleeping on Friday. Good thing because Smudge had her six kittens through the night into Saturday morning. What a surprise to find all six are replicas of her! No hint of who the father might be! Today I have dragged myself through the day making sure Mama cat is managing all right and taking cute pictures!

Cool and Crisp

I'm up. The temps at 51 degrees are cool and crisp. It is a less humid day. Here's hoping I do more than sit around. Yesterday I managed very little except to finally connect with our realtor. I am trying to get him to put better pictures of our farm on the site. We worked on them together by phone. I am mentally exhausted from the process. Consequently my sweetheart made supper and served it as well. I seem to be mostly pain free but also tired most of the time. It would be nice to not be so tired! 

Finding Balance

The new meds seem to be helping with pain. It has been a relief. However the continuing chest wall pain is an issue. It is unpleasant to say the least and very painful. I have had 7 episodes since the 10th of May. Now we are adding no sleep to the mix. I am not in pain but I just cannot get to sleep. It causes difficulty during the day. The humid weather isn't helping as well. I am dragging myself around with no energy. 

Excellent Doc

I wrote a post yesterday but it seems to have disappeared. I am having trouble putting pictures up and I think I deleted the post. Ah well.
I saw the replacement PA at the clinic on Tuesday. He was one of the best! He took his time. He listened. He asked good questions. He didn't rush me. I was able to get the referral I wanted for a rheumatologist and he actually knew her! He also stopped some of the meds I'd been taking feeling that they were not helping. He added two new ones.
Because of where we live Paul was not able to get them until Thursday. No matter I have been feeling good for couple of days. (only dealing with constipation).
However last night I got hit with the most excruciating pain in my chest wall. I took all the recommended med and MJ as well. Nothing touched it. I had heat on my chest and was trying to be distracted by the TV. Finally I took another med and that doubled the dose for me. That worked!
Another painful night...I hope the Rheumatologist has some ideas.

Pay Back

By Saturday afternoon my body was just "off". I laid down about 1PM and slept all afternoon. I had leg cramps and muscle pain throughout.
Yesterday we had a great morning. Paul got two raised beds cleaned out while sat on the sidelines and supervised! We put in kale, swiss chard and carrots. I had planted a square raised be with flowers. I hope they come through.
Together we made a wonderful lunch of steak quesadillas. It was delicious.
By afternoon my body had had enough and I fell asleep quickly and sleep most of the afternoon.  I got up in time for a quick bite and so episode watching. I needed extra pain medicine to help my body calm down so I could sleep.

Celebrating Early!

Because Paul had the day off we decided to celebrate the fourth a day early. We arrive in Machias before noon and beat the crowd at Helen's. Our meals were delicious and dessert...wow! Paul had blueberry pie, not too sweet, just like he likes it and I had strawberry pie.  I just love strawberry pie.

We then went to Jasper Beach. It is an all rock beach that is usually uninhabited. Since it was close to the holiday I guessed that there might be 10 people there. I was right. We brought beach chairs but I sat in the rocks because they were so warm. I fell asleep and ended up with rosy cheeks from the sun.

Being there was so relaxing! I am glad we stepped away from the pressures of the farm sale long enough to get a day off!

Breezy Day

Although it is hot the breeze has kept the bugs down. I am so thankful.
Yesterday was a full day in Calais or getting my hair done and doing several errands. I needed to fill a couple of prescriptions but my regular pharmacy didn't have one so I had to go to the other pharmacy in town. It seemed that everywhere I went took a long time. By the time I got home I was tired. Since I left so early the house was a wreck and the dishes were still out from the day before. I mustered enough energy to clean up but hubby had to put together our supper.
Because I had done a lot of walking my legs hurt and I ended up with a leg cramp. Ugh!
I work up this morning with another knife like chest pain. After dealing with that I went back to sleep until my friend came at 10:30AM. The rest of the day has been just laying around as I am still sore and tired.
We have a beach day planned so I hope I feel better tomorrow.

Exhausted

Both my husband and I are exhausted. We are not sure why. We are laying down early in the afternoon and sleeping all afternoon. By suppertime we look at each other and wearily say we are tired. Perhaps its the emotional exhaustion weighing us down with the anticipation of change. Who knows? I hope it passes.
Its been warm today and my body is even warmer. I am finding my hair wet and my shirts drenched as well. The least amount of energy expended creates this problem. Last night I was so hot I had to strip down to nothing. Not usual for me at all. Then I had extreme shoulder pain and leg pain. I used a topical on my shoulders and a heating pad under my legs.  Both seemed to work.  Sleep came easily as I was so tired. And hot, did I say hot. 

Tired

Although I managed to get a lot done this morning I finally slowed myself down and rested. The important things had been taken care of and my body needed attention. I laid on the bed and watched a Ken Burns series on the Roosevelts. I haven't finished but so far it has been very interesting. It has also been a great diversion.
The weather has cleared and the sun has been shining and the temps have hit the mid 60s, cold for late June but okay. We have been having a wood stove fire the last few mornings to take the chill off the house.
I am making a roast for supper and the smell of it is filling the house. I hope it tastes as good as it smells. 

More Rain

Yesterday was a delightful day. It was good weather and my hubby got a lot done. He is feeling under the gun to do it all so the house will sell. I find his week days and week ends are always full. Al though he is not thrilled with me going somewhere with my friend he doesn't seem to ever want to do anything but work while he is home. By supper time I had hit bottom brooding about this and consequently all did not go well.
Today was a different story and we did better. It has rained steadily all day but we shared a lot this morning and made lunch together. Then we watched some episodes this afternoon. That was fun.
Tonight with heavier rain falling we will cozy up and watch some more.

Good Week

I have had a good week with decent energy everyday but Wednesday. I have had a lot of pain at night though and Tuesday night I didn't get much sleep because the pain was everywhere. I find that I can do a bit more than I've been able to do before but again night time when I slow down the pain rushes to the front. Some nights I have managed it better than others.
I am sure the Tuesday night fiasco was weather related because we had a serious thunderstorm come through. Any change in weather seems to upend me!
Our sweet kitty, Smudge , is starting to look like a football. I am sure she is going to have kittens sometime in the next few weeks. Then she will get fixed! I think our beautiful feral cat is the father so the kittens should look stunning. It will make it easier to move them on. 

Stress

Stress creates a lot of pain. I try not to get stressed about things but it happens. Sometimes it is just a misunderstanding or a miscommunication.  I think that stress causes anxiety and God tells us not to be anxious.  Do I need pain in my life....NO. So I must run from stress.and be relaxed about what ever comes my way.
I am spending today as relaxed as I can be hoping to build up some energy reserves for the rest of the week.  The summer is upon us and I want to be ready for some fun things like walking on the beach and soaking up the sun.  I'd like to get some visiting in and not be so fatigued I don't enjoy it.

Pay Attention

I am really a slow learner. Why did I think driving 100 miles round trip and doing a big shopping as well as wandering through two other stores would make me tired? And why did I do another food shopping closer to home thinking I would be worn down? There seemed to be so much energy to be used up. And use it up I did. I was operating on fumes and didn't even notice!
By the afternoon I had severe pain in my side and in my sternum. I took the meds that usually help and then took some more. I finally fell asleep and got away from the pain. It appears as if depleting your energy does a number on your body.
Today I feel better but I did go back to bed and sleep another two hours. Hurrah, I had enough energy to make us a nice Father's Day lunch and then to enough some binge watching on Amazon prime videos.
I seriously do need to pay attention. 

Listen to Your Body

Here a report on the session I had on Thursday with a lovely alternative med practitioner.
First of all I had no idea what to expect. I tried to stay calm and have few expectations. She spent the first 15 minutes explaining to me what she did and telling me she would stop anytime I wanted to. That was reassuring and we dove it, so to speak. Needless to say I had some wonderful release and relief from an issue that apparently was deep inside and needed to be dealt with. Hurrah, and thank you.
I had a good day yesterday with enough energy to do all that I needed to do.
The message at the end of the session was "Listen to your body." If you're tired, rest. If you're hungry, eat. Don't deplete you're energy without going after more, whether eating, sleeping or walking around a bit. Let others step in and help you. It's your turn.
So...I think I can do this. Praise God for moving me in this direction.

Alternative Medicine

Today I have an appointment with a gal who does "bodywork". I am not sure what she will be doing but my doctor recommended that I try her. At the very least I hope to get some insight about my body and the pain that I have.
Every day it is some thing new. Today my calves hurt and my hip is painful. My fingers are also giving me a hard time. I put Penetrex on my legs to see if that would help.
Its a beautiful day and I am hoping to get some flowers planted. They are what was left after Paul planted the big pot. I also figured out what to do with the clematis that is growing over the railing. So I will fix that today as well.

Can This Be Real?

Sorting out what to do and when to do it becomes a big task with the whims of Fibromyalgia! That said I had a most delightful day yesterday with my friend. We went into Calais, took our time and wandered through Mardens and then through the new downtown thrift shop. The thrift shop was terrific, good clothing, great prices and friendly service. We had lunch out and finished the day in Walmart picking up scripts and some stuff to use in my new Nutribullet.

By evening the "back to square one" pain had arrived and set up housekeeping! Some pain sites I had forgotten showed themselves full force! It's hard to describe the disappointment I felt. There is a longing for this to be gone and no desire for its reappearance whenever it feels like it. My shoulders, neck and chest all hurt. In addition my hands and feet sent out messages that made me want to crawl away and hide.

I know this is a rant. I know I should calm down. I know. I know.

I managed to sleep this morning and a good part of the afternoon but am still feeling like a two more days of sleep are needed. I can hardly manage to keep my eyes open.

The Invisable World

We live in a physical world and we do our best to manage what we see. We work at trying to understand it as well. I had two wonderful painfree days before fatigue set in and stayed for another two days! Last night my "old friend" rib cage and chest wall pain returned. I gathered my arsenal from what I had learned over the past two weeks and used the heating pad and all the necessary meds! It helped me sleep and I am moving this morning.

Red Letter Day

Do you know what it feels like to have chronic pain?  It's there and after a while you just accept it as part of who you are. Letting go of the anger (why me?) and frustration (why don't they understand?) and getting to a more peaceful place seem to be part of the work needed in dealing with chronic, unrelenting pain.
And yesterday happened. It was a red letter day! I walked and drove and shopped without pain! I smiled and kept telling my friend how happy I was to be pain free even if it was only for a day! God is so good.
Being the over curious gal that I am I wonder how this happened and how can I duplicate it today? I am learning however that that that is the wrong question. A better question would be "How can I be more thankful and embrace each new morning as it is given." 

Post Yard Sale

We did it!
 With help from both my husband and son we had a great yard sale. People came early but not too early. They saw and bought things they liked...one man's trash is another man's treasure! The weather was cool and windy, a real blessing as the black flies were not in evidence!
My son did most of the clean up and put away while my husband napped and I rested. What a terrific man he has become.
I dealt with pain throughout the day but was able to manage it. Of course the early evening slow down and bedtime brought on more pain as it was now front and center rather than just background noise. Although the chest wall pain has become a constant nag during the day, at night it shouts and carries on trying to include other recurring pain as well. I am thankful to have a full complement of meds that work most of the time.
I was able to get a good night's sleep. My sweet kitty show up to snuggle in as well and rest overtook me.
Today is a bright sunny day with lots of promise!

Cool Weather

The weather is cool and the black flies don't seem so abundant. I had a nice visit with a neighbor this morning and took care of some money questions. I feel good having all the bills paid and having some left over. My body is still in a bad way but I am coping. Tomorrow we will have the yard sale and that will be done!  I hope we are able to sell most of the stuff we have here.
I need to think through the meals we will have in the next two days so we can put them together easily.

Birthday Pain

The last post was written early  in the morning. By the time my husband left for work at about 8AM I was feeling off and by 8:15AM the chest wall pain was off the charts. I tried to call him because he was only 15 minutes out but his phone went to voice mail. I called my friend Sandra and her phone was not working. I called my sister but her phone was busy. The pain had not let up and seemed to be getting worse. I iced it and tried to get dressed in case I needed to go out to get some help.

I finally called my youngest daughter who was too far away to come but at least she could hold my hand over the phone. She was wonderful. She helped me calm down, she suggested I eat my morning cereal and stayed on the phone for quite a while. It was a great help to me.

Two days later I am still dealing with residual pain and am exhausted. I am trying to go with it and relax. The yard sale is in pretty good shape and Zach is coming to help. Sandra is putting up signs and I will facebook it again.

Here are the two birthday bouquets I got from my sister and husband (a dozen roses).

72 and counting!

It's my birthday today and my spirits are high. I can't really believe that I am 72! My body was acting up this morning but no matter I'm alive and life is good. I got a wicked headache in the night that continued until morning and it seemed to cause a severe neck ache and upper back ache. I put heat on when I got up and the pain has lessened to a dull ache.
The wonderful, family filled weekend probably has caught up to me. We saw both Nikki and Amanda dance at the recital on Saturday and had a birthday meal on Sunday. Taking my body out of the routine often causes issues. I seemed to have a lot of energy yesterday until 2:30pm and then I crashed. The rest of the afternoon I was on auto pilot making cookies and supper. Today will need to be a slow easy day.

Yard Sale Prep and Other Things

We are have a yard Sale on June 6th. I needed help getting the sale stuff down from the studio so I could price it. My son and his sons came Saturday morning and helped for two days bringing everything down and then vacuuming the area. What a huge job! He would not let me move anything or carry anything! He restricted the number of times I could go up and down stairs as well. His easy, proactive approach to the task was extremely helpful to me and I came out of the weekend feeling good.

My husband had a long day of work Tuesday and I rested most of the day. Yesterday he worked from home and I was able to get 3 loads of wash done! By afternoon I was overtired and my chest hurt. It went downhill from there! As I lay on the couch practicing relaxation techniques I had random extremely sharp pain. It continued after I fell asleep with the help of meds, and woke me up in horrible pain. Adding more meds and a lidocaine patch toned it down and I was able to stay asleep.
I hurt today but the pain has let up!

Snow?#!#?

Yup it is snowing here in downeast Maine. The hummingbirds came in several times to fuel up!

My body isn't liking it too much. I have been coughing and it is irritating my chest wall. I have been using a heated pad on it and that has helped. I  am having a slight tremor in my hands, who knows why?
The family has arrived for a weekend holiday visit. They were supposed to get here last night but had a flat tire two hours from us and stayed overnight so they could replace all the tires.  Now that everything is fixed they are here and we are enjoying them. I will probably be visiting from the recliner LOL!

No Real Let Up

The pain, my old friend has not let up.  This is the longest I have had it. It is not as bad as Wednesday morning but its more than a dull ache. I feel like someone dug their heel into my chest wall as well as kicked me there.
Enough! Enough! I've had enough. I need it gone.
My son and grandsons are coming tonight to help getting things moved downstairs to be priced for the yard sale. I want to be ready. I'd rather not be so fatigued that I spend most of my time resting/sleeping.

Dreaming...Not

Sharp, piercing pain. Part of a dream? More pain. Screaming pain. No dream. I open my eyes at 4AM and fully feel the chest wall pain that has been going on for quite a while. All the time I think  must be dreaming.
I grab for the flexeril and waken my husband. I am a little unnerved since it has lasted so long. He gets me some strong pain meds and heats a corn pad. I lay it on my chest and hope it will hasten the pain's demise. Its been a good six weeks since I had this most unwelcome pain and I need it gone.

Morning finds me very tired. Handling pain is exhausting. I spend most of the day in rest mode trying to put distance between the pain and myself.  

Company

Our daughter, her special friend and his puppy dog came to visit. Gronk is 15 weeks old but a big baby. We got to babysit for him while they went to the UMM graduation. Amity received the young alumnus of the year award for her innovative work with children.

We went the night before to a meal for the honorees and their family and friends. Going the next day was out of the question as I was over the top exhausted and couldn't take another drive to Machias. So Sunday meant a long morning nap and a longer afternoon nap.
Rain today has given notice to all the other places that pain resides! Another take it easy day.
It has been a joy to have the "kids" here. Her special friend is low key and delightful. He also suffers from a similar disease and having someone who understands is great!

Exhaustion

Once again a wonderful day is followed by a day of unrelenting fatigue. I do so many things I wanted to do yesterday and felt really good about it. Today, not so much. Just keeping going has been very difficult. I did finally give in and rest for a couple of hours but I'd certainly like to lie down now and call it good!
Supper is next and then I will go to bed. I know a good night's rest will really help.  My rroomba is helping today. I have her working on the front room!

Up and Down

I had a wonderful visit from one of my middle daughters late Saturday and Sunday morning. She brought steaks and we had a wonderful cookout. Sunday morning my husband made us a delicious breakfast. We had a good visit and I enjoyed having my granddaughter here as well. I was overtired Sunday morning so I laid on the couch for the visit. When they left we finished the yummy strawberry pie my daughter had brought and I rested some more.
This morning I woke up with a painful body and an upset stomach. It never went away until supper time. Because my husband worked from home I was able to rest most of the day. 

Warm Days

I love the warm days of spring in summer. It's not too warm but a comforting warm in and out of the house.
 I am ignoring the headache that has hovered for a couple of days. I'm pretty sure it is pollen related. My body is tired on this luscious May day. I don't want it to be tired but it is. So I have mostly taken the day on the sidelines.
Watching out my window, listening from my chair. I saw the first hummingbird of the year try to get food from the red finch feeder. It got me up to locate the hummingbird feeder and fill it and put it up. I heard the Siamese talking out on the screen porch and got up to discover it was the feral half Siamese male as he raced by me and out the door. I suspect our Smudge could be in heat. I visited with a friend and encouraged another friend.
The almost constant dull chest pain has hung in there for several days. I try not to attend to it so much. It is better to focus on other things.
My husband has had a long day away from the house and I am looking forward to his return and supper and conversation and rest.

Faulty Thinking

Monday I did all the "right" things that should have brought to the end of the day ready to watch an episode and ease into rest for the night mode. NOT! My broken body thought that random severe pain would be a nice diversion from the quietness of the day. My tailbone was on fire. The inner part of my hipbone hurt and sent sharp pain down my leg into my foot. My chestwall which had hurt all day hurt more when we got to laughing about the antics of our kitty. By the time it was lights out, that last kiss before slumber my body was in rebellion and I was a wreck. I finally managed to get the pain manageable by adding more pain and anxiety meds (which I HATE to do) and fell asleep. I was happy to wake up with just dull pain.
Consequently any plans for Tuesday were out the window. My body had battled all night and I need to give it a break. Husband worked from home and that help, knowing he was nearby if things got wonky again. The only glitch was when I laid down to rest after lunch with soothing music my brain began racing and depression flooded me. After crying for way too long I went to my husband and he immediately helped me see the wisdom of more pain and anxiety help.
This morning I feel okay right now but know in my being that I live with random pain and its not my fault but I need to not be afraid of getting the help since I have the help close by and nobody thinks I should be stingy taking it when I need it.

Now Its Hot

The weather has changed completely and we have had a summer like day today. The snow along the treeline quickly disappearing.  I had a hard day yesterday with the high pollen closing down my airways. Today I did much better and kept low key in what I did. This is the time of year my hypersensitive airways react the most and give me many days of needing my inhaler and lots of rest.  I do not enjoy gasping for air and I try to keep ahead of the problem. Today I didn't get as much done as I thought I would but what I did was adequate.  I made supper and dessert. There is enough left over for two more meals that will go in the freezer and Paul should have dessert all week. 

Change

It has been an interesting week. I had a nice visit from my sister on Monday and she brought me a beautiful shell from my other sister's beach (well not really her's) in NC.  I love it.

My experiment with using all the meds as prescribed went south late in the week and I crashed feeling like a zombie! I was distraught and scared. I stopped the noon meds immediately and cut back on some that are PRN. I had no pain with the regular dosing but I also had no life. I would gladly endure pain! So I am back to pain in the morning in random places and pain here and there all day. I need to relax about this and get on with my life. Spring is here and there is so much opportunity to get outside and enjoy.

My hope is for the house to sell and for us to take the next step.
In God's time. In God's time!

Purple finch at the feeder.

Beach Time and Other Happenings

I love, love, love walking on the beach.  I love the smell of the salt air. I love the brave birds/ducks that swim in the frigid water. Sunday my husband declared a day of rest and so we went to Jasper beach. It didn't matter that we had to wear our winter coats over our hooded sweatshirts.  We bought sandwiches and chips before we got there and sat and enjoyed our picnic lunch on the beach. We walked a bit and then walked back. We got to the car just as it started to rain. I was glad to have the opportunity to be near the ocean.

Monday I did inside work (made wheat bread and cookies)while my husband cut and split next years winter wood. He stacked it in the back of the garage. He only has a little bit more to cut up! I got a call from my friend who had bought my goats. The younger one had just delivered quads. I told her I'd be over but before I could leave, a huge gust of wind carried the For Sale sign away. I grabbed my coat and ran ti get it before it landed in the stream. When I came in I knew I was in trouble. The front part of my head hurt badly. I called to my husband and he came right in and helped me out. The pain had traveled from my head down my neck and into my shoulders and back. Biofreez, pain killer and flexeril did the trick. I didn't get to see the baby goats though.
Tuesday he went to orientation for his new/former job. He was a little apprehensive but managed it quite nicely. I got a second call from my friend so this time I went. She needed help getting the tiniest one to latch on.

I was able to make that happen and gave her a few tips on what she needed to do. As I drove home I thought about how much I missed my goat herd.

I welcomed my work weary husband home and we had a yummy spaghetti supper. Then off to bed early.
Today I either was talking on the phone or having company. I loved seeing all of my sister's pictures from her trip to the Outer Banks. I could tell she had a great time. I also am thrilled to see the purple finches have turn such a bright red. The means its mating season. Spring is here.

It Was Great While It Lasted

I had an almost two week run of less/no pain. I was just getting used to it when wham-o it hit again this afternoon. My right hand feels swollen and it hurts. My chest wall on both sides is giving me sharp pain. My right leg and both knees are acting up. My feet hurt and I am exhausted! Enough already. I thought you had moved on. I managed to get two loads of wash done and lunch on the table. I was so thankful for the freezer meals we put together so my lunch offering (chili)was all ready prepared. I slept some this afternoon but I've caved this evening and taken extra meds.
My husband enjoyed being outside most of the day. He got a lot of cleanup done and brought a lot of wood across to the side yard to be cut up and stacked. 
God is good. He has taken good care of us. We are excited about the next change.

Changes

Today my husband got a job. He starts on Tuesday. I know I will miss him. We are working on that. We have the house on the market and expect to sell it. When it sells he will retire!!!!! I am excited about the changes ahead.
It will mean changing doctors. I have high hopes of finding one who can understand and treat fibromyalgia. Right now what I am doing seems to be working.
This week has been a busy week that just flew by! I have never had time fly so fast. We have moved some furniture around and made the house look more open.  I love the new look.  

Sunshine!

Our realtor came today to take inside and outside pictures. It didn't look too good earlier this morning but by afternoon the sun came and it looked really bright. The other thing that happened was that the rains took away a lot of the snow in front of the house.  I know that there is a  person who will be the buyer for this property out there. It is time for patience and to keep on keeping on.
I am feeling tired every afternoon but I think it is because of my new med schedule.  I am running with it and taking the naps I feel coming on without complaint. If my body needs more rest that I think it deserves the med will help me overcome those thoughts!
Husband and I have been setting aside time to read, talk and pray each morning and that has helped tremendously. God's plans are bigger than ours and we seek to follow Him.
It has been good while he is between jobs to spend time together. When the house sells we would like to by a house outright and have him retire.  He has been a great help with the housekeeping tasks and hasn't complained at all.

Lots of Bare Ground

The huge piles of deep snow have all but disappeared this week. The warm weather is responsible for this. My husband is still mucking out the cellar, bucket by bucket.
I have been no help because although I have very minimal pain I am very tired. I have managed to get some wash done and some meals on the table but mostly I've been resting. The chest wall pain is the only thing that hangs on. I struggle with unstoppable coughing and very dry mouth.
I am trying to get out and clean up my flower garden but it is a slow process. I want it to look nice this year as it is the first thing you see driving by.
Husband's job search has been up and down. Two places want him but start times and actual "go to work time" have not been settled. So we hang in there, continuing to trust God for the outcome.

Work, Work, Work

I've had two days without pain! Yes! But I have also had two days of fatigue. Some of the meds I have added back have caused drowsiness. My husband has done nothing but work at cleaning out the yucky cellar. I did my part but now have stepped away to let him do what he needs to do. We did a big shopping on Sunday and I had several meals that needed to be put together and frozen...crock pot ready. I am excited about this because it should help when I am plum out of ideas and exhausted to boot. We got into it yesterday morning and I did a good part of it myself. Yes, we are still struggling with working together.  This morning went better because we talked about it and each did our part. Now we have a good potion of the cellar mucked out. And 12 crock pot meals in the freezer and two meals in the crock pot for our supper!
Today has been an awesome day with temps in the 60s...wow! The snow is quickly evaporating and browns and greens are appearing.
very little pain this afternoon, just exhaustion.

Back to the Drawing Board

My former doc had set me up with enough meds to take them PRN. I have been using a lot less than what the label said and frequently had my worse times at night time. Today when I set up the pill pack for the week I decided to up some of the meds to what the label said and try that for a week and see if the night time snafu would lessen.
I am a reluctant pill taker as you can see. However I need to manage this whole thing better. I have not be taking noon meds but started today. The first change was I took a nap and slept for 2 1/2 hours.  I expect that the tiredness side effect should let up over time. We'll see if there is any cumulative effect from the days meds into a better bedtime.

Spring is really coming.

The gold finch males have regain their spring yellow!

And the feral cat is showing himself again.

Crazy Making

I just got up. I slept well. 
Had a great morning yesterday and was able to work on cleaning the cellar (a wet rock wall foundation). There was debris left behind from both the electric fix and the plumbing fix as well as empty cans of foam and old, old wood from the days we had our furnace down there. What a mess. It needed cleaning and picking up in the event we had a showing. What a mess. 

I made lunch when we decided we'd done enough and settled in for a nap. However the wonderful morning deteriorated and by suppertime I was a different person...tired, hurting, mad, in a lot of pain. This up and down of fibro drives me crazy!!!!!! 

My husband had to do supper as I languished in my chair. He insisted I take some meds so I took flexeril and a pain pill. 
We got in bed to watch a couple of episodes and still I was in pain. The pain finally went away after another handful of pain med, anti anxiety med , advil and gabapentin.

Can you hear my frustration? I do not want to have to take so much medication. I don't, I don't!!!
I also don't want to lay about and do nothing!

Magic Bars

All gooey and delicious, these bars are cooking as I type! And they are easy-peasy.  My husband has a craving for them and so do I.  The bath and kitchen repair and repaint are done and we are having a slow day.
I saw the doctor on Tuesday and had a hard time because he didn't really know me and had all kinds of advise of what I should do and how I should stop taking my pain med because I might need it later and then what would I do. He thought that exercise and not laying down so much (his interpretation of what  I said) would change my ability to get restorative sleep and have more energy. The question I asked was about the severe fatigue I had putting down for three days.
Anyway yesterday, of course because I'm stubborn , I did exercise and take a short walk. I also did some cleaning, bending and stretching , going up and down stairs. I stopped each time I felt I could not longer breathe but otherwise kept going. By supper time my sternum hurt front to back and I took a med to help with the pain. By bedtime my whole body was whacked out. My feet were burning and sensitive to touch. Breathing hurt. My fingers had severe pain, as well as my wrists and arms. My left shoulder and upper arm hurt badly and any movement that jarred it caused more pain! I threw caution to the wind and took a double dose of opiate pain meds and an anti anxiety med.  Not much help. Then I took a double of flexeril. That is something I have never done. But, thankfully I finally fell asleep and slept through the night.
I've done a good job of managing the issues of this syndrome so I don't know why I didn't just let his advice go in one ear and out the other.
Today, I have done very little because I am dealing with after effects of meds and pain. However I feel joyous that I got through it and learned something as well.

April Snow

The body knew there was going to be a change in temperature. It has put me through the wringer the last two nights. And what do you know... first it rained and now it is snowing. I think we will probably miss spring and jump right into summer!
Dealt with severe chest wall pain last night that didn't give way after taking the appropriate meds. The pain went on and on. I finally got to sleep but it was certainly not restorative sleep. Today I am just dragging. I got up and then went back to be and stayed there until noon.
Huge fibro fog this afternoon. I am hoping this improves by tomorrow. I have had enough!

Robin Siting= Spring is Really here!

This morning my husband looked out the window and spotted a robin. I am excited. Robins arrive in the Spring and their food of choice is worms. Well, the snow needs to go for them to get the worms. Hello Robins, good by snow!

I want again to say this blog is about how I am dealing with Fibromyalgia and what happens to my body from day to day. I am not trying to whine or complain. If you are not interested in my journey then just find another blog to read. I am writing this mostly for my benefit.

That said, I had my hair done yesterday. I love how it turned out. I completely forgot how hypersensitive I was to chemicals. We had a wonderful Chinese meal and then headed to Jean and David's house. David had made some replacement parts for our trash drawer. As we sat and visited I be came overwhelmed with fatigue. I needed to go home.  Sensing my distress Paul took me home immediately where I crashed for the rest of the afternoon.

When I got up to go watch a couple of episodes and got in bed my whole body was in trouble. My legs and arms were burning. My feet and hands hurt. My jaw ached. I was beside myself. I had taken night meds and didn't feel enough relief. I took Flexeril but became so distraught I told my husband I didn't know what to do but was trying to wait it out so the Flexeril could work.
Finally it did and I fell asleep.

Today I am feeling better but dragging. It will be a slow, easy day.

Resting Day

My husband took me on a breakfast date yesterday. It was good to get out.
All I managed to do during the day was wash, dry, fold and put away one load of wash. My body was out of sorts and my functioning was low. He however worked steadily in the kitchen moving it ever closer to completion! I am so pleased. The project has left me feeling like I was getting bites from lots of tiny bugs all over my body. I know it's my body's hypersensitivity but I didn't care for the feeling.

Today we head in to Calais since he made a hair appointment for me. I'm a wee bit excited since I am going for a different style. I really want it to work out! 

Just When You Thought...

I have not missed the "heart attack" pain. It comes on so suddenly and hurts so bad. I know it is a Costochronditis flare when it happens but I haven't missed it.  It must have missed me because just when I thought I'd felt the last of it, it came on painfully in the wee hours this morning.  Thankfully we don't rush to the ER to have it checked anymore. My husband gets the Flexeril and I take it and hang on while it works.
I have had a couple of more energy days and was pleased to accomplish something. My sewing room is cleaned up and back in order. That feels great.

My husband continues to work on the kitchen and we are getting close to having that finished. It is looking good.

Gray Day

It's a gray day. Temps in the high 30s but chilly. The kitchen fix is coming along. My husband is doing a marvelous job. I am so impressed. You certainly are not aware of how  dirty a place gets until you decide to paint and repair. Everything is dirty and greasy. We are getting it done and are pleased with the results.

My part has been some cleaning and mostly sorting and deciding what stays and what goes. I have a lot of doubles and also stuff I don't use. I also cleaned up my sewing area and will do some sorting there. I am beginning to think I'll be able to sew again once the weather warms up.  It is something I have enjoyed so much in the past.

My body is having muscle spasms here and there but I am riding them out.  I have tried to do what I can and then rest a while. I am in dire need of a haircut and hope to get one Wednesday or Thursday. I actually want a soft perm but we'll see.

My Energy Bank Must be empty

I thought I slept well. Never got up in the night for a potty break. But I felt tired when I got up after a good 8 hours. Husband reports I was moving and jumping all over the bed and I kept him awake. At one point he said I was breathing funny and he tried to talk to me with no response. Hmmm! Guess the long nights in bed aren't producing restorative sleep! I will need to work on that for sure.
I did some resting today and also some reading.
Two of my girls gave me an ipad for my birthday last June. I have been slowly find new things on it. I have longed to relearn some of the Spanish I took years and years ago because my daughter-in-law is from Argentina an Spanish is her first language. My youngest also went to Venezuela as an exchange student and is fluent in Spanish.I found an easy game where they teach you and speak it to you and I've already started!
The weather is starting to modulate and the snow is slowly receding. For that I am very thankful.

Fatigue Hangs on Tightly

Much as I try to will it away the fatigue lingers. While my husband works diligently in the kitchen I sit and rest, or lay down and rest. You would think after a while my body would catch up. Ha! I think I have a lifetime of tired to catch up with.
The day is gray but the temps are in the high 30s. The snow is going done bit by bit. Last night's rain helped some. April is pressing in on us and so the snow must go!

I have been using my awake time to sort and keep or throw away. I am trying to eliminate clutter and be ready for the time we move. I actually am making some headway and feel useful doing this. 

Despair

I have been full of despair these last few days. This long, hard winter has difficult. My body has been most difficult to manage. Pain has been rampant. Fatigue has lingered often. I have finally been able to talk about it with my husband. Now that it is out in the open I feel better. The pain is still here but at least I feel less guilty about not carrying my own weight. This thinking is my problem not my husband's. He always says I do too much!

I often get stuck in my thinking. I let the feeling that I am some how disappointing people roll around until it grabs me hard and knocks me down. I am trying to do better. The ups and downs of Fibromyalgia are difficult enough without my adding guilt to the equation. Many of the medical providers have already tried to do that to me.

I am looking forward to spring and warmer weather and flowers. I want to get out and walk some and enjoy the fresh air.  Soon. Soon.

Cold and Windy

Although the sun is shining brightly the its only 11 degrees outside and there is a fierce wind. Thankfully the house is toasty warm. The doors are painted and ready to go back in the bathroom. I am thrilled to see how nice the bathroom looks.
I was a hurting gal last night and it was complicated by unrelenting coughing. I finally took a second med and that calmed the anxiety enough so I could sleep. I got up this morning not having achieved any restorative sleep and so was tired. My husband made me a yummy soft boiled egg breakfast and then I crashed on the couch. I slept and slept. I had some very odd dreams.
I put a few clothes away in the bedroom and the cat wanted to help. She thought climbing into the drawers was fun!

Misery

Ah, miserable pain all afternoon. Doubled pain med and added flexeril. That really helped. Once I started to feel better I was a war with myself. "I feel better, I need to get up and get busy." "I feel better I need to continue to rest and not aggravate the pain." Husband settled my conflict by suggesting that I stay put.
By bedtime the pain was minimal and I didn't hurt when I got in bed. I did not sleep well so I listened to music on my ipad most of the night. Dosed on and off with the music.
I am depressed this morning because I am tired.  I should put together a crockpot soup lunch and go back to bed. We'll see.

Well, that didn't happen. I had some hurtful stomach cramps and went back to bed. My sweet husband made quesadilla for lunch when I finally woke up!

It's Spring!

It is the time we see Robins and Daffodils.  Perhaps if you dig down deep enough that might be true. A small amount of snow is expected tomorrow. We'll see.
I have been very tired in the last two days. I'm not sure why. Today I am moving but not very fast.  The husband is making huge progress all around me. The downstairs bathroom is almost finished and looks beautiful and clean.  He has been my hero.

Mid March Snow

Yes, we got more snow yesterday into the early morning.  The front door was once again covered with snow. Huge amounts of snow fell off the roof and landed in front of the windows. More snow predicted for the weekend....no, no, no!!!  I've had enough.

Today I am tired and my hands hurt. I found myself dizzy when I got up but it passed.
My husband has been working hard at finishing up the bathroom and it is looking great. It's so nice to have him here 24/7.  He has applied for a job but has heard nothing yet.
I tried my hand at home made tomato soup today. I had some at the restaurant the other day and it was delicious. Mine was too. I will make it again for sure!

Snowy St. Patrick's Day

Yes it is snowing again. We got about a foot Sunday night into Monday and it started again this morning. "Pink sky in the morning sailors take warning."

We will get another 10 inches maybe. I will be glad when the weather gets warmer and the deep snow piles melt.
I have been tired all day. I am hurting mostly due to weather, I am sure. We watched the rest of House of Cards this afternoon. We certainly have enjoyed this series.
Wow. The snow just slid off the roof leaving a huge pile in front of our window!

Ides of March

And wouldn't you know...its snowing. Probably the last two days of excruciating pain were the forecast of this weather. I feel some better today.

I am enjoying watching the throngs of birds looking for food in the midst of the storm. And the lone crow wishing for road kill but dining on bits of seed dropped in the snow.

The bare dooryard no longer bare.
The good news is that we are half way through March and moving toward April. April is when the winter weather truly lets go and the snow begins to disappear. There is hope.

I know there have been hard winters before and we manage to find our way through them. This one has been a corker!

We are keeping busy inside doing some painting and fixing so when a buyer can actually get through the snow to view the house it will have a bright face on!

 My husband is doing most of the work while I spend time sorting and throwing out.

 The small gray kitten, Smudge, is finding plenty to do with the hand made toys my husband keeps making for her!

Travelling Pain

Thursday evening presented with severe back and leg pain. My hope was that I could sleep it off and feel substantially better on Friday. I took the requisite meds and went to sleep. However I woke on Friday with more pain in my back and legs. The chest wall joined the fray and I took the needed meds as well as put a patch on my back. This must have been a good move as most of the day was spent in solid sleep. I was able to watch a couple of episodes of House of Cards before succumbing to more sleep.
This morning is a gloomy morning with snow expected late in the day. I am beginning to suspect that some of Thursday night's issue came from the long walk around Walmart to get food while waiting for meds. It hasn't bothered me like this before but it is an explanation. I love the shopping experience with regard to getting the most for my money. I hope this pain following shopping was just a glitch.
We'll see how today goes.
I need to make a short list...note to self, a short list of what I want to get done and stop when the list is done.
This blog has helped me to keep track of my symptoms so I don't dismiss the hard days so quickly when I have good days.

The Day After

Spring! Spring! Oh, how I love Spring! We had it yesterday!

The temps were in the high forties and there was a soft warm breeze. Snow piles began to melt and bare patches of ground showed up here and there. But the day after Spring, today, its raw and cold. There may be a serious snowstorm on the week-end. Argh!

My broken down body does not like weather changes at all. The hips and chest hurt yesterday. The vice grip around my chest needed lots of heat and meds. Sleep did not come easily. Today I have serious pain in the whole chest wall and my knees are not sure they want to hold me up. Sometimes I can laugh through the pain. Other times it makes me very "pissy".

For me Fibromyalgia is the invisible disease of randomness. Each day there is a surprise. My husband often says, "What hurts today?" It reveals itself here, there and everywhere.  I don't know how other much younger folks than me can deal with it. I am blessed to be in the over 70 group (No kids, no work)with a wonderful caring husband who is here and is willing to make meals, pick up and do what needs to be done. This is not exactly what I thought retirement would be but it is what it is.

I do have my kittens...fun to watch. The birds at the feeder keep me interested. The computer connections with my kids and my friends is a Godsend.  And we are living one day at a time.

Here is yet another cat picture! The Siamese is outside and the gray is inside!

Spoiled Rotten Kitties!

We purchased a Siamese kitten about two years ago, mostly to keep me company. My husband was working long hours and I was alone most of the time. She was very young when we got her (not yet 8 weeks old) and bonded with me immediately. Since her arrival we acquired a couple more queens that were finished with baby making and had them fixed. They came to keep our Suki company. However they terrorized her and we hardly saw her for days on end. Since they were gorgeous animals and were fixed I was able to place them separately in excellent families.
Suki reappeared and became very vocal. However she was constantly under foot and almost knocked me over a few times.

We started again to find her a companion. This time we decided a young kitten would transition more easily. I found Smudge a four month old who had the color and behavior of a Russian Blue. She was full of life and loved "her" people. She was very discriminating around strangers. We became her people and our friends became her friends. Her behavior was more dog-like. She came when you called her. She ate well and used the litter box. She was a quick learner. Everything became a toy.
Suddenly Suki began to play with toys as well. She did not hide and seemed to tolerate Smudge well. They began to chase each other around the house. Suki is still my baby but quickly Smudge became Papa's girl.

The two keep us entertained with their antics.

I spent most of the day yesterday sitting in the recliner and the cats kept me from being bored. This morning I am feeling better and I'm so very thankful. The randomness of Fibromyalgia pain is crazy-making. Having two silly cats for distraction is a great help.

Fire

After a long cooking day yesterday I am needing rest today.  I have found myself reacting to things that don't usually bother so I know I am over tired.
My friend came by for a visit and told us that there was a fire on the corner.  The home that burned down was a very pretty log cabin. The mom is a local high school teacher, the dad is with customs (we are near the Canadian border) the girl is in college and I am not sure of the older child. He was the only one home and he reported that the vacuum cleaner blew up.
Hubby took me down so I could get some pictures...so sad.

Bright Sunshine

The early morning sunshine reflects brightly on the deep, deep snow piles. The raised beds in the garden have disappeared.  I know that spring will come. It comes every year!

We have had a hectic couple of days and by last night I was completely spent as well has having full body pain. With the help of several meds and going to bed very early I am feeling a bit better today. I have some energy and only my hip and leg are in pain.
My Amaryllis both are blooming. The one in flower has two stems showing and one more coming! The one beginning to flower has a tiny bud peeking out of the bulb. I am impressed!

I went out early yesterday to a farm where my goats went to live. One of them had babies. Her new owner was new to goats and wasn't sure what she should do next. Part of the sale included being a consultant the first year. All was well and she is a happy farmer with new goat babies!

Unexpected Help

As I said in the last post our dishwasher bit the dust! Since we are selling the house it seemed prudent to purchase a new one rather that have a gaping hole. On Monday there was an extra, unexpected $500 deposit in our account from SS. My husband called to see what was going on and was told it was catch up money that they owed us. There was almost enough for the purchase of a new dishwasher. We went into Calais and found the one we wanted and it will be delivered and installed sometime this week. Praise God.
Although I always think the Calais trip is "nothing" it generally makes me very tired. I ended up sleeping all afternoon. My body also fore casted the next storm with pain through out. I am dealing with that and fatigue today as well.
My two Amaryllis are blossoming and bring spring to my window sills. They are just gorgeous.

I broke down and made some Magic Bars on Monday and they are already half gone.

We were so snack deprived!

Trying to Avoid Flares

I slept most of yesterday because I had such a hurtful chest wall flare in the earlier hours. My body needed a couple of days of total rest to recover. Thankfully I feel pretty good this morning.
Husband and I are doing all the paper work we need to do to get to the next step in our lives. It seems to take a lot of time and energy.
We are without our dishwasher as well because when he took it apart the strainer piece disintegrated.
We have reached that point in our house when many of the appliances are over ten years old and need attention.
It will all work out as our trust is in God and not in ourselves. We need to do what we can and trust Him.
The day is a warm 22 degrees and moving upward. One day this week it might hit 40 degrees! Nice to be in March and headed toward April!

Flares....the Cost of Doing Business

Saturday slid by with an early morning, very painful, flare. The meds needed to get the pain at manageable levels made me sleepy. I read a book in the recliner, place online scrabble and finally laid down on the couch passing out almost immediately. I woke up about three and had a yogurt and then slept some more. We got in bed about seven and watched some episodes...I fell asleep before the last one was finished!
At 3AM Sunday morning I was awakened by another, very painful flare. I took another round of meds that toppled the pain and drew me into sleep land once again.
I must have be very overextended to have two flares so close together. Now the drugs have made me dopey.
Paul spent some of his day outside, moving the farm truck out of the deep snow and bringing in more split wood to the screen porch. I can hardly believe we have made it to March. We are inching our way out of this deep snow and deep freeze.

                                                          Spring will come.