Just When You Thought...

I have not missed the "heart attack" pain. It comes on so suddenly and hurts so bad. I know it is a Costochronditis flare when it happens but I haven't missed it.  It must have missed me because just when I thought I'd felt the last of it, it came on painfully in the wee hours this morning.  Thankfully we don't rush to the ER to have it checked anymore. My husband gets the Flexeril and I take it and hang on while it works.
I have had a couple of more energy days and was pleased to accomplish something. My sewing room is cleaned up and back in order. That feels great.

My husband continues to work on the kitchen and we are getting close to having that finished. It is looking good.

Gray Day

It's a gray day. Temps in the high 30s but chilly. The kitchen fix is coming along. My husband is doing a marvelous job. I am so impressed. You certainly are not aware of how  dirty a place gets until you decide to paint and repair. Everything is dirty and greasy. We are getting it done and are pleased with the results.

My part has been some cleaning and mostly sorting and deciding what stays and what goes. I have a lot of doubles and also stuff I don't use. I also cleaned up my sewing area and will do some sorting there. I am beginning to think I'll be able to sew again once the weather warms up.  It is something I have enjoyed so much in the past.

My body is having muscle spasms here and there but I am riding them out.  I have tried to do what I can and then rest a while. I am in dire need of a haircut and hope to get one Wednesday or Thursday. I actually want a soft perm but we'll see.

My Energy Bank Must be empty

I thought I slept well. Never got up in the night for a potty break. But I felt tired when I got up after a good 8 hours. Husband reports I was moving and jumping all over the bed and I kept him awake. At one point he said I was breathing funny and he tried to talk to me with no response. Hmmm! Guess the long nights in bed aren't producing restorative sleep! I will need to work on that for sure.
I did some resting today and also some reading.
Two of my girls gave me an ipad for my birthday last June. I have been slowly find new things on it. I have longed to relearn some of the Spanish I took years and years ago because my daughter-in-law is from Argentina an Spanish is her first language. My youngest also went to Venezuela as an exchange student and is fluent in Spanish.I found an easy game where they teach you and speak it to you and I've already started!
The weather is starting to modulate and the snow is slowly receding. For that I am very thankful.

Fatigue Hangs on Tightly

Much as I try to will it away the fatigue lingers. While my husband works diligently in the kitchen I sit and rest, or lay down and rest. You would think after a while my body would catch up. Ha! I think I have a lifetime of tired to catch up with.
The day is gray but the temps are in the high 30s. The snow is going done bit by bit. Last night's rain helped some. April is pressing in on us and so the snow must go!

I have been using my awake time to sort and keep or throw away. I am trying to eliminate clutter and be ready for the time we move. I actually am making some headway and feel useful doing this. 

Despair

I have been full of despair these last few days. This long, hard winter has difficult. My body has been most difficult to manage. Pain has been rampant. Fatigue has lingered often. I have finally been able to talk about it with my husband. Now that it is out in the open I feel better. The pain is still here but at least I feel less guilty about not carrying my own weight. This thinking is my problem not my husband's. He always says I do too much!

I often get stuck in my thinking. I let the feeling that I am some how disappointing people roll around until it grabs me hard and knocks me down. I am trying to do better. The ups and downs of Fibromyalgia are difficult enough without my adding guilt to the equation. Many of the medical providers have already tried to do that to me.

I am looking forward to spring and warmer weather and flowers. I want to get out and walk some and enjoy the fresh air.  Soon. Soon.

Cold and Windy

Although the sun is shining brightly the its only 11 degrees outside and there is a fierce wind. Thankfully the house is toasty warm. The doors are painted and ready to go back in the bathroom. I am thrilled to see how nice the bathroom looks.
I was a hurting gal last night and it was complicated by unrelenting coughing. I finally took a second med and that calmed the anxiety enough so I could sleep. I got up this morning not having achieved any restorative sleep and so was tired. My husband made me a yummy soft boiled egg breakfast and then I crashed on the couch. I slept and slept. I had some very odd dreams.
I put a few clothes away in the bedroom and the cat wanted to help. She thought climbing into the drawers was fun!

Misery

Ah, miserable pain all afternoon. Doubled pain med and added flexeril. That really helped. Once I started to feel better I was a war with myself. "I feel better, I need to get up and get busy." "I feel better I need to continue to rest and not aggravate the pain." Husband settled my conflict by suggesting that I stay put.
By bedtime the pain was minimal and I didn't hurt when I got in bed. I did not sleep well so I listened to music on my ipad most of the night. Dosed on and off with the music.
I am depressed this morning because I am tired.  I should put together a crockpot soup lunch and go back to bed. We'll see.

Well, that didn't happen. I had some hurtful stomach cramps and went back to bed. My sweet husband made quesadilla for lunch when I finally woke up!

It's Spring!

It is the time we see Robins and Daffodils.  Perhaps if you dig down deep enough that might be true. A small amount of snow is expected tomorrow. We'll see.
I have been very tired in the last two days. I'm not sure why. Today I am moving but not very fast.  The husband is making huge progress all around me. The downstairs bathroom is almost finished and looks beautiful and clean.  He has been my hero.

Mid March Snow

Yes, we got more snow yesterday into the early morning.  The front door was once again covered with snow. Huge amounts of snow fell off the roof and landed in front of the windows. More snow predicted for the weekend....no, no, no!!!  I've had enough.

Today I am tired and my hands hurt. I found myself dizzy when I got up but it passed.
My husband has been working hard at finishing up the bathroom and it is looking great. It's so nice to have him here 24/7.  He has applied for a job but has heard nothing yet.
I tried my hand at home made tomato soup today. I had some at the restaurant the other day and it was delicious. Mine was too. I will make it again for sure!

Snowy St. Patrick's Day

Yes it is snowing again. We got about a foot Sunday night into Monday and it started again this morning. "Pink sky in the morning sailors take warning."

We will get another 10 inches maybe. I will be glad when the weather gets warmer and the deep snow piles melt.
I have been tired all day. I am hurting mostly due to weather, I am sure. We watched the rest of House of Cards this afternoon. We certainly have enjoyed this series.
Wow. The snow just slid off the roof leaving a huge pile in front of our window!

Ides of March

And wouldn't you know...its snowing. Probably the last two days of excruciating pain were the forecast of this weather. I feel some better today.

I am enjoying watching the throngs of birds looking for food in the midst of the storm. And the lone crow wishing for road kill but dining on bits of seed dropped in the snow.

The bare dooryard no longer bare.
The good news is that we are half way through March and moving toward April. April is when the winter weather truly lets go and the snow begins to disappear. There is hope.

I know there have been hard winters before and we manage to find our way through them. This one has been a corker!

We are keeping busy inside doing some painting and fixing so when a buyer can actually get through the snow to view the house it will have a bright face on!

 My husband is doing most of the work while I spend time sorting and throwing out.

 The small gray kitten, Smudge, is finding plenty to do with the hand made toys my husband keeps making for her!

Travelling Pain

Thursday evening presented with severe back and leg pain. My hope was that I could sleep it off and feel substantially better on Friday. I took the requisite meds and went to sleep. However I woke on Friday with more pain in my back and legs. The chest wall joined the fray and I took the needed meds as well as put a patch on my back. This must have been a good move as most of the day was spent in solid sleep. I was able to watch a couple of episodes of House of Cards before succumbing to more sleep.
This morning is a gloomy morning with snow expected late in the day. I am beginning to suspect that some of Thursday night's issue came from the long walk around Walmart to get food while waiting for meds. It hasn't bothered me like this before but it is an explanation. I love the shopping experience with regard to getting the most for my money. I hope this pain following shopping was just a glitch.
We'll see how today goes.
I need to make a short list...note to self, a short list of what I want to get done and stop when the list is done.
This blog has helped me to keep track of my symptoms so I don't dismiss the hard days so quickly when I have good days.

The Day After

Spring! Spring! Oh, how I love Spring! We had it yesterday!

The temps were in the high forties and there was a soft warm breeze. Snow piles began to melt and bare patches of ground showed up here and there. But the day after Spring, today, its raw and cold. There may be a serious snowstorm on the week-end. Argh!

My broken down body does not like weather changes at all. The hips and chest hurt yesterday. The vice grip around my chest needed lots of heat and meds. Sleep did not come easily. Today I have serious pain in the whole chest wall and my knees are not sure they want to hold me up. Sometimes I can laugh through the pain. Other times it makes me very "pissy".

For me Fibromyalgia is the invisible disease of randomness. Each day there is a surprise. My husband often says, "What hurts today?" It reveals itself here, there and everywhere.  I don't know how other much younger folks than me can deal with it. I am blessed to be in the over 70 group (No kids, no work)with a wonderful caring husband who is here and is willing to make meals, pick up and do what needs to be done. This is not exactly what I thought retirement would be but it is what it is.

I do have my kittens...fun to watch. The birds at the feeder keep me interested. The computer connections with my kids and my friends is a Godsend.  And we are living one day at a time.

Here is yet another cat picture! The Siamese is outside and the gray is inside!

Spoiled Rotten Kitties!

We purchased a Siamese kitten about two years ago, mostly to keep me company. My husband was working long hours and I was alone most of the time. She was very young when we got her (not yet 8 weeks old) and bonded with me immediately. Since her arrival we acquired a couple more queens that were finished with baby making and had them fixed. They came to keep our Suki company. However they terrorized her and we hardly saw her for days on end. Since they were gorgeous animals and were fixed I was able to place them separately in excellent families.
Suki reappeared and became very vocal. However she was constantly under foot and almost knocked me over a few times.

We started again to find her a companion. This time we decided a young kitten would transition more easily. I found Smudge a four month old who had the color and behavior of a Russian Blue. She was full of life and loved "her" people. She was very discriminating around strangers. We became her people and our friends became her friends. Her behavior was more dog-like. She came when you called her. She ate well and used the litter box. She was a quick learner. Everything became a toy.
Suddenly Suki began to play with toys as well. She did not hide and seemed to tolerate Smudge well. They began to chase each other around the house. Suki is still my baby but quickly Smudge became Papa's girl.

The two keep us entertained with their antics.

I spent most of the day yesterday sitting in the recliner and the cats kept me from being bored. This morning I am feeling better and I'm so very thankful. The randomness of Fibromyalgia pain is crazy-making. Having two silly cats for distraction is a great help.

Fire

After a long cooking day yesterday I am needing rest today.  I have found myself reacting to things that don't usually bother so I know I am over tired.
My friend came by for a visit and told us that there was a fire on the corner.  The home that burned down was a very pretty log cabin. The mom is a local high school teacher, the dad is with customs (we are near the Canadian border) the girl is in college and I am not sure of the older child. He was the only one home and he reported that the vacuum cleaner blew up.
Hubby took me down so I could get some pictures...so sad.

Bright Sunshine

The early morning sunshine reflects brightly on the deep, deep snow piles. The raised beds in the garden have disappeared.  I know that spring will come. It comes every year!

We have had a hectic couple of days and by last night I was completely spent as well has having full body pain. With the help of several meds and going to bed very early I am feeling a bit better today. I have some energy and only my hip and leg are in pain.
My Amaryllis both are blooming. The one in flower has two stems showing and one more coming! The one beginning to flower has a tiny bud peeking out of the bulb. I am impressed!

I went out early yesterday to a farm where my goats went to live. One of them had babies. Her new owner was new to goats and wasn't sure what she should do next. Part of the sale included being a consultant the first year. All was well and she is a happy farmer with new goat babies!

Unexpected Help

As I said in the last post our dishwasher bit the dust! Since we are selling the house it seemed prudent to purchase a new one rather that have a gaping hole. On Monday there was an extra, unexpected $500 deposit in our account from SS. My husband called to see what was going on and was told it was catch up money that they owed us. There was almost enough for the purchase of a new dishwasher. We went into Calais and found the one we wanted and it will be delivered and installed sometime this week. Praise God.
Although I always think the Calais trip is "nothing" it generally makes me very tired. I ended up sleeping all afternoon. My body also fore casted the next storm with pain through out. I am dealing with that and fatigue today as well.
My two Amaryllis are blossoming and bring spring to my window sills. They are just gorgeous.

I broke down and made some Magic Bars on Monday and they are already half gone.

We were so snack deprived!

Trying to Avoid Flares

I slept most of yesterday because I had such a hurtful chest wall flare in the earlier hours. My body needed a couple of days of total rest to recover. Thankfully I feel pretty good this morning.
Husband and I are doing all the paper work we need to do to get to the next step in our lives. It seems to take a lot of time and energy.
We are without our dishwasher as well because when he took it apart the strainer piece disintegrated.
We have reached that point in our house when many of the appliances are over ten years old and need attention.
It will all work out as our trust is in God and not in ourselves. We need to do what we can and trust Him.
The day is a warm 22 degrees and moving upward. One day this week it might hit 40 degrees! Nice to be in March and headed toward April!

Flares....the Cost of Doing Business

Saturday slid by with an early morning, very painful, flare. The meds needed to get the pain at manageable levels made me sleepy. I read a book in the recliner, place online scrabble and finally laid down on the couch passing out almost immediately. I woke up about three and had a yogurt and then slept some more. We got in bed about seven and watched some episodes...I fell asleep before the last one was finished!
At 3AM Sunday morning I was awakened by another, very painful flare. I took another round of meds that toppled the pain and drew me into sleep land once again.
I must have be very overextended to have two flares so close together. Now the drugs have made me dopey.
Paul spent some of his day outside, moving the farm truck out of the deep snow and bringing in more split wood to the screen porch. I can hardly believe we have made it to March. We are inching our way out of this deep snow and deep freeze.

                                                          Spring will come.